Ok, Don't Get Lost...

Another feeble attempt at putting a band together was even feeblier attempted this evening when an unsuspecting bass player answered our beck and call and walked through the door, equipment in hand.  The guy is good and has a family and a job and we, the guitar player and myself, will probably never see him again.  There is a standing offer, until position filled, of drumming for a blues rock band in Cashmere.  I've worked with the guy in Frank Cook's band  (RIP) before and I shouldn't be mean but, I just don't want to.  I have a drumset in my living room that is the best set I have ever owned or played on.  It is fucking loud, dude.  They are fucking loud drums.  I put on a cd, headphones, get reasonably aware and play.  It is sort of like masturbation.  It will do until things get real, if they do.

I did get busy and paint this weekend.  I didn't get all done what I thought I was going to but there is detail in painting and I had to slow down to get it done right.  I'm still stuck on a trim color but I've had plenty of input from at least four people and I pretty much agree with them.  

In my journey to find just the right color combo, I landed at Lowe's where my eldest by blood, Caitlin, is a cashier on the weekends.  If I want to see her, I just go buy something.  That way we only have to be uncomfortable with each other for a few minutes.  "Call me!" I say departing.  "Sure," comes her reply.  Yesterday, the lady behind me in line as I was paying for the paint dropped two twenty dollar bills on the floor at the precise moment I dropped my paint mixing sticks.  I bent over to see two twenty dollar bills staring me in the face.  I don't believe what I am seeing.  Then the lady who dropped the cash swooped in and scooped up the green.  I fumbled for the paint sticks.  The lady, embarrassed a bit, started saying something about throwing money at me.  I looked at Caitlin and said loud enough to be heard in the power tool aisle, "Does she KNOW I'm single?"  To which the lady replies, "No. Does he know I'm married?"  To which I replied, "I do now."  Laughs all around.  I look behind me and there are two lines about five to seven people deep.  Whoops, holding up the machinery.  Gotta go.  Call me!

Don't fuck with the machinery.

I am going to work willfully tomorrow.  I cannot believe that I am all caught up.  Wait, I'm never as caught up as I could be.  I have no papers to correct.  In that respect, I am caught up.  As far as making it five more years, no I am not caught up on that yet.  I am actually getting caught up on retirement after some bad years but nowhere near a comfortable transition. I gotta work.  Good thing I like my job.

Yeah, I don't need to sit around and grouse about women.  I'd feel like too much of an old man.  I don't think I'm ready to be old yet.  Some people are.  So what?  I am slowing down and I've lost a lot of strength.  I'm off stimulants.  I was down to a mere 140lbs and wasn't hungry too much and got anxious a lot.  I couldn't smoke enough weed to keep it calm.  When I travelled to Fargo for Christmas, somebody took one look at me, decided I was strung out (I was) and tossed the pills.  So, I suppose that is my Christmas gift.  I'm not strung out no mo' an' I aint had none since then.  They got tossed.  I was beginning to wonder how I was going to get off those goddam stimulants.  Yes, they do work as they should if one is ADD.  I used to be able to sleep while taking them.  That went away and I had to take Trazadone to sleep.  As you know, you get to a point where you gotta wonder what the hell is going on?  Am I that fucking nuts that I have to take all this pharmaceutical profiteering into my body?  Contrary to popular belief, no, I am not that nuts.  Anymore...still taking most of my heart meds although I see no reason to.  My HDL was higher than at any other time in my life.  I don't like taking boner killing meds, either.

Fuck.

I suppose this has turned into an essay or blog entry.  Thing is, it's a big deal to me.  It is mind blowing how blind we can become.  Both Lani and I knew years ago we were in a tailspin.  Clash of the Titans.  Even though she had to instigate it, it is good that it is done.  The story is in how it ended.  Not as easy as it should have been.  Mostly my fault, I would say.  At least that is what I have been told.  Ha aha hah...I digress.  My goal is a tome.  Sit easy.

Since my return, I have been unable to locate the remote for my Apple TV.  Fortunately, I can use my iPhone as a remote.  Still, that damn thing has to be here somewhere.  I'm sure Kieran's cat, Beirut, knows where it is and may have actually hidden it from me.  Penance for leaving her in the house for ten days.  Travelling with Banjo was fun.  With Border Collies, though, they must be kept busy.  During his time in the car on the way to Fargo, he learned to masturbate.  He's been doing it ever since.  Even when he has been active.  I can't wait for warmer weather to get him outside.  I don't like the noise he makes.  He's a dog.  What do you expect?

If you don't expect much, the loss is less.

There you go.  Another angry tirade from a despondent Democrat.