The Desperation Bracket...

I wrote abut my experiences the second time around with online dating.  I mentioned having to tell people that I did not care to meet with them again.  This is hard for me as I hate to hurt feelings in that way.  I've steeled myself for the task.

A tangent I was going to talk about but either forgot or...yeah, I forgot, was the age factor and how desperation works into it.  What i've noticed so far is that you are far more likely to get a response from someone who is between the ages of 55 and 63.  For lack of a better phrase, I call this the Desperation Bracket.

My observation, and I'm an amateur at this, is that the older people get, the more they understand that time is running out for them in the dating world.  Sure, people fall in love at 70 and still marry and it's cute and always makes the paper.  But time is running out.

As we end our days on the planet, our need for social companionship does not diminish.  In fact, it may increase.  There are plenty of people who are fine by themselves and carry on. Their partner has probably passed on and within a year or so, they will join them.  It happened to my grandparents.  After Grandpa passed, Grandma called me all the time.  She was lonely after being with the same man for 63 years.  Now he was dead and she was living in her house alone.  She told me how lonely she was.  I thought after finishing college, I might find a teaching job in her town.  I did, actually, but it was only  half time position.  I needed full-time.

Grandma did see me graduate but passed soon after.  She died of a broken heart.

A lot of the profiles I read always say they are happy with the way their life is but would be better shared.  I agree.  I think it is in our DNA to have a companion.  Our brains are wired that way.  Of course, we can rewire our brains with consistent thoughts (think meditation) or some mantra that gets us through the day.  In the end, though, we were meant to be with someone.

The Desperation Bracket makes attempt after attempt to find someone they can feel safe with, comfortable with, someone they can love.  Some may never get there.  Yet, they still try.  Try they must until death or they just give up.

Giving up is not an option for me.  I am relatively young, in the middle of the Desperation Bracket, I am not ugly.  I am slender, strong (finally) and still have a job and a house.  I am an honest person and laugh and make others laugh.  I am exuberant, energetic (I mowed the lawn yesterday) and know who I am and what I want/need.  I am confident.  My shrink says that a man my age does not stay single long.  From my experience, that seems to be true.

When I tell someone that I am not interested in them the way they are interested in me, I feel badly as I know I'm putting that person back into the jungle of online dating.  I'm not sticking around just so someone can be happy and I end up miserable.

It is very important to stay monogamous.  Actually, I think it is better referred to as celibacy.  Whatever, keep yourself strong so that when someone comes around that delights you, you have something special to share with them.  Yes, sexual tension rears its head and we start looking for a short-term mate.  The tension can be released by fucking one of your dates, even if they are not a date.  Then what? Keep each other on the line for the next time?  It works for some people.  It's never worked for me although when travelling as a musician, I had plenty of meaningless sexual encounters.  Some of them I remember.  How rude is that?

I had one correspondent tell me she hadn't been with a man for three years.  Now that's monogamy although maybe to the extreme.  Still, I will not meet this person.  She is in the Desperation Bracket.  My profile photos show the honesty in my face.  That is what I have been told by every correspondent when I asked why they chose to correspond with me.  I'm flattered but think you should base a choice on more than just a photograph.  Wait a minute...that's how it starts.  If the photo doesn't do much for you, I guarantee a real life meet up will be disappointing.  It is my experience that people look much better in their photos than in real life.  That's ok.  It works that way with me, too.

The physical attraction of the profile photos gets you interested enough to read the profile.  From there, if you make contact, you just have to see how it goes.

Some of the people I correspond with have been online for a few years.  I fear some of these people will never connect with someone and will grow old alone.  I have to be realistic about my part in all of this.

Online dating is a self-centered activity.  You look for someone you think you might be compatible with and go from there.  If you are in the Desperation Bracket, you are online all the time.

The dreariness of winter is gone and my heart is filled with love and hope.  Desperation is gone.  I have time, not a lot but some.  I am enjoying my life now.  Still, I need that intimate social interaction with a member of the female species.  The lines on my face are getting deeper.  I'm not getting younger.  None of us is.